The Mystery of Why I'm Watching this Show

Last night I watched the first episode of The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, as one does, and I am unable to resist the urge to share it. In the form of a recap, I mean, though if you really want to see the whole thing in all its seventies' glory I think it's on YouTube.

The first episode is called "The Mystery of the Haunted House," and that title is a complete rip-off, because there's no haunted house in the show, just a nightclub/restaurant/wood-panelled hellhole named The Haunted House. This is kind of a thing in this series: the titles all sound like something supernatural might be going on, and instead it turns out to be smugglers or spies. It's like Scooby Doo with more hair.

About the hair. I know it was the seventies, but these boys have a lot of hair. Sort of...feathery, fluffy hair. I think the hair might be why they were considered attractive. It's the only reason I can come up with, because the guy playing Frank Hardy has a pointy chin and smirks a lot, looking uncannily like John Travolta (only, hold on, I just realized this was the same era in which Travolta was also considered good looking, so I guess pointy-chinned smirkers were in style then?); the younger brother, Joe, is played by Shaun Cassidy and looks like a nervous hamster. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

That's Hamster on the left and Travolta-ish on the right.

It's April. Why is it snowing?

I am so done with winter. Sadly, winter does not appear to be done with me.

I am impatient for spring; I have all these spring activities planned, but the new swingset is sitting in its box being lightly snowed on at the moment, and none of my eagerly awaited plants can ship from Vesey's Seeds yet because the people who run Vesey's seeds, wisely, know enough not to send things out until the ground has thawed.

'tis the season to drool over seed catalogues.

I have things I should be working on (mostly a Secret Project which is actually just a gift for a friend), but instead I keep pacing impatiently past the windows as though spring might arrive all at once while I'm hitting refresh on my facebook page or something.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I shall be productive. (Ha.)

Brrrr.

   

We have a windchill of -25C today. It's going to be an indoor kind of day. Right now Bug and Trouble are happily watching Enchanted (they love the part with the rats helping to clean the apartment).

This afternoon we're going to bake. I have a mix, which is cheating, but which is also delicious and easy. Easy is a huge virtue when you have two small "helpers" in the kitchen. They love it, though. They get to take turns stirring with the whisk.

I'm pretending these are a health food.

                                                           

Blue Monday

I don't feel particularly blue, but I do understand the sentiment. It's that point in January where you start to feel just a little worn down by winter.

All is well, though. I'm reading Bryant & May and the Memory of Blood; I'd forgotten how much I enjoy Bryant and May. Was astonished to learn from my husband that Bryant & May is the name of a match manufacturer; now want to own matchboxes from them.

Had to restrain myself today from buying a couple of Tetley Tea Folk. I think they're adorable, but my budget for this month (and next month, and quite possibly March) is well and truly blown. I know they're inexpensive, but that's not the point; the point is I need to quit buying things until I'm solvent again. Le sigh.

In other dreadfully boring news, the kitchen island is nearly cleared off, my desk is more or less organized, and I've hung the calenders. The post-holiday chaos is nearly subdued. Bug and Trouble keep asking where the Christmas tree has gone, though, which makes me feel a bit sad. Possibly I shall have to decorate the tiny mantel-top one for Easter.

New Year; Clean Slate.

Cleanish. It would be a cleaner slate if the kitchen table and island and my desk and the office were tidy, but with any luck that'll be done by, uh...the end of the month.

I survived December. I usually *love* December, but this year I'm counting "survived" as an accomplishment, because of Crazy People. These particular Crazy People can (and believe me, WILL) be avoided from here on out, so that's good.

Other than that, I have stacks of books to read (and a separate blog for reviewing all the romances); the children are more or less recovered from the stomach flu; the pantry is well-stocked. So the new year is starting reasonably well, for which I am thankful.

Working my way through the stack

I had a brief urge today to start a separate blog for these, since otherwise they're going to take over this one, but then I decided it didn't actually matter.
So. On to the next Harlequin Presents:

Title: Duty and the Beast. Honestly, wouldn't you buy it for the title alone?

Author: Trish Morey

Timestamp: Sep12. I am never going to get caught up here.

Things I might actually remember about this one: It's one of the sheik-y ones, with an innocent Princess heroine of an imaginary kingdom. I love the imaginary kingdom thing. I can't quite put my finger on why, but somehow the made-up country aspect appeals.
It caused me a few anxious moments, though, as the sheik-y ones always do. The thing is, I can't quite put real Middle East culture entirely out of my mind, so when the heroine was expressing her unhappiness with the we-must-marry-to-save-our-kingdoms situation by pretending to think the hero was gay, I kept cringing and expecting the situation to get really, really ugly. Which of course it didn't--it couldn't; he's the hero so he has to have a certain amount of self-control. But I cannot see that particular brand of bratty-bitchiness leading anywhere good if you tried it on a real live sheik. 

Active Ingredients:
A Very Jasmine Princess
Mandatory Marriage
British-educated Sheikh
Imaginary Country/Kingdom
Hero Rescues Heroine's Family Member/Pet
Heroine watches Hero Bathe/Swim/Generally Being Naked
Hero Insults Heroine by Refusing to Believe she is a Virgin

Romance Novels, Again

Title: A Tainted Beauty
Author: Sharon Kendrick
Timestamp: Sep12

This time around, Things I Might Actually Remember About This One isn't going to cut it, so I'm dividing that into two sections:

Things I Loved About This Novel: The heroine in this was superb. I liked her from the first instant, partly because she bakes and wears retro fashions, but also because she's one of those "alone in the world" heroines I get such a kick from. Evil selfish stepmother: check. Somewhat menial job, which she nevertheless enjoys: check. Devotion to family/pet: check (a younger brother, in this case).

But the BEST thing about this heroine was that she was sweet, innocent, old-fashioned, innocent, and yet NOT A VIRGIN. My God, it's as though there are categories of women other than "virgin" and "whore next door." So stunning. And this heroine had a relationship--complete with engagement, sex, and being left at the alter--WITHOUT losing her slightly old-fashioned scrupulousness about men. FANTASTIC. Well done, author.

Things I Hated About This Novel: The Hero.

In a sense, though, I have to say "well done author" with regards to this too, because she clearly set out to show him mistreating the heroine horribly because of his own Incredible Freaking Damage, and boy, did she succeed. I HATED this hero. Flat-out hated him. The way he behaved towards the heroine once he found out she wasn't a virgin was cruel and, well, insane.

In the book this is slightly-explained-away by having the heroine APOLOGIZE for not having told him she wasn't a virgin, but there's absolutely no "So, are you a virgin?" conversation anywhere along the way, so why the hell should she have? He could have taken enough interest to ask her about her past relationships. Instead he acts as if her refusal to leap into bed with him is, in itself, dishonest. Because she's not a virgin.

So in the BOOK there are categories other than Virgin and Whore Next Door, but in the hero's head there aren't.

If I had to pick out one single most hateful thing about him, it's that for nine-tenths of the book you think his incredible jackassery about women, and his particular hatred for his own mother, is justified by his mother's having brought home lots of men when he was a child. She sounded like a sort of Christian Grey's Mom, only without the actual crack. But then you find out all she did was date a handful of men after being abandoned by her husband, because she thought she should find a stepfather for her child, and in that moment my opinion of the hero flipped from "damaged, but with reason I guess" to "incredibly freaking self-centred and INSANE."

Conversation I would have liked to have seen: "Of course I forgive you, darling. I love you. And yes, I want to stay married to you and Live Happily Ever After. But for that to happen, you need absolutely truckloads of therapy. So find someone qualified--a credentialed therapist, a wise and experienced priest, whatever--and go see them twice a week for like FOREVER, because otherwise I expect this epiphany you've had about how emotionally abusive you are will fade away and leave us right where we were just now when I left you because you assumed I was a money-grubbing slut. Got it?"